Youth of Today and Sex!

[i_like_lectric_motors]

[quote][i]Originally posted by SwampThing[/i]
<br>I'm wondering how many parents are in denial about their childs sexual activity
[/quote]

ALL of them.

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[Bitter Almonds]

[quote][i]Originally posted by Mechi[/i]
<br>It's not completely like that. I know many people that waited until they were in college to have sex and some (like myself) who still are virgins.
First of all, the idea of having sex never crossed my mind until I was 17. And at that point, I analised very carefully the situation and decided that I was not ready for it and that I would wait.
Maybe today things are different from me because my views associated to love and meeting the right person have changed... life expeerience sometimes modifies one's feelings.
Anyway... if parents do their jobs well, their kids will only have sex if they feel ready for it (emotionally and psychologically speaking) and will do it safely.
First time parties??? That sounds awful and almost like a cliché.

Yes, yes... I'm a nun!!! Hehehe... but actually there's a lot you can do without having sex. [:D]

http://spaces.msn.com/members/mechigc
[/quote]

<p align="justify">Mechi, that you can read, write, and speak in English says to me you don't come from a working-class background. I'm beginning to think class background has a lot to do with how early kids start having sex. After all, if you come from a blue-collar family (or single parent household) that could be defined as "proletariat" in Latin America, there's very little time a parent can devote to rearing their kids properly either from working long shifts or being poor and unemployed[xx(] Sure, there are lots of families who happen to be poor and instill values and principles into their kids, but all you gotta do is look at the teen pregnancy rates in predominantly poor neighborhoods.

[birdmadgirl]

I do think upbringing has so much to do with how early you have sex and how you treat it (something you dole out to anyone or something that is a little more sacred).

I've told this story before, I think, but I got pregnant with my son when I was 17 and he was born two weeks before I turned 18.

From outside views, I was Little Miss Perfect. On the A honor roll, college bound, on the yearbook and newspaper staff, active in band. All those things covered up what I really was in up to my eyeballs-namely boys and alcohol.

From outside views, I had a proper upbringing. Two-parent family, middle class, went to church twice on Sundays and every Wednesday night.

What people couldn't see was that I was desperate for attention. I did all the right things and I still had a father that couldn't stand me. He'd flirt with the girls at church, tug on their hair and tell them they were pretty while I stood there feeling like a dog. He hated me. But the boys liked me and I gave them what they wanted. I was smart enough to realize they didn't love me a bit, but for a little while, I felt pretty and wanted.

That sounds so stupid now, but when you're just a kid ...

I have three kids, and I'm more worried about my daughters than my son, to be perfectly honest. He's a boy. He'll be OK. He's not going to get knocked up (though if he were to get a girl pregnant, things would be different, obviously).

I'd like to think we're on the right path with the girls. From birth, they have been treated like the cherished, loved people they are. I'd like to think that when they "discover" boys that this will pay off, that they will demand to be treated as cherished, loved girls. I don't want them to ever throw themselves away like I did because they feel bad about themselves.

Also, we're really open with our kids. I haven't brought it up yet because they are still very young, but once they hit the 12-year-old mark, I'm going to be upfront and tell them that I will not say one word, I won't scold them and I won't disapprove--all they have to do is tell me they need birth control and we'll go take care of it. Do I want them screwing around? Hell, no. But better safe than sorry.

Getting back to the original question: When I graduated in 1992, we'd all been having sex since about our junior year of high school. We didn't discuss it with anyone but our close friends. (Kids today seem to flaunt it). A couple of us got started earlier in high school. I don't know anyone who was having sex in junior high. I think kids now who hold out until their junior year of high school probably are rare.

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[Bitter Almonds]

[quote][i]Originally posted by Grunch[/i]
<br>[quote][i]Originally posted by XXX[/i]
<br><p align="justify">There weren't any good ol' days and kids back then were having sex... maybe not us[:I] but, certainly, other kids were seeing action the same way kids are having sex now. The only difference is, people nowadays lack the discretion and class to keep personal things private. With proper parenting and values, it still is a big deal for some kids to have their first boyfriend or girlfriend.
[/quote]

If you don;t think there were the good 'ol days, you aren't old enough to appreciate there really were simpler times. Not just sex, but everything from respect of people, property, authority, respect for the elderly, helping others, respect for teachers.....at least back in the 60s this was common, not the exception. Today I think it is the exception. This is a scary world, and with the age of information technology and computers, as Spirit once said, we are becoming a mechanical world. You can chit chat with strangers, tell people to go get fucked, have on-line sex, you name it......all from the easy chair. Recently people at work were talking about how long it had been since they wrote cursive, because of pc's, etc....sad, but for all the things information can do for us, it has, or maybe people have simply allowed, some of the humanity to become extinct.
[/quote]

<p align="justify">I can write curses! Lots, in fact. I can even take a calligraphy pen and write you, by hand, curses using roman uncial font[8D]

I still think a lot of it has to with 1) more people living here now than before and 2) the media making everything sensational. I'll give you this much, in the olden days people were modest about these things. It's hard to think [i]Justine[/i] was more than 100 ago[}:)]

[WolverineSyr]

I think the media can take some of the blame, but the things parents complain about today - are essentially the same things they complained about when we were kids, and when our parents were kids. I don't think Britney Spears' influence is any different than Donna Summer groaning through "Love to Love You, Baby," or Elvis's gyrating in the '50's.

The media is different today in the sense that we have access to so much more than ever before. The level of violence in common media is higher than ever before.

Attitudes have changed in a huge way though, haven't they? Maybe it's because we have a whole generation of parents who didn't have 2 parents in the home themselves? Maybe kids have too much time on their hands? Maybe it's because you have a ton of children whose parents were teens when they had them & have passed on that legacy? Maybe it's because culturally girls see having a baby as being a good thing & boys see it as a sign of masculinity?

I have a very close friend who was pregnant at 16 around 1967. She was shipped off to the South to live with another family. The doctors & nurses treated her like a degenerate. When she had the baby, they actually put a black cloth over her face during labor & took the baby away immediately. She never got to see him. When she asked the doctor if she could, he turned around & walked out of the room. When she asked a nurse, the nurse said "It's gone & it's not your baby anymore." That doesn't happen anymore.

I'm not saying that I'm in favor of that at all - but you can see how our attitudes and tactics have changed in a huge way in a pretty short time.

[beatschool]

Not that I don't agree that there is a big problem with sex and youth, but does anyone remember all of the past threads about female teachers being caught having sex with their young male students? Anyone else remember how many male members of this board cheered on the boys involved and talked about how they would do the exact same thing if they had the opportunity in their past? Could those attittudes be part of the problem? I'm just asking...

[Bitter Almonds]

<p align="justify">Aye, I remember those topics. I even started one of those meself[}:)]

[KYYX4ever]

[quote][i]Originally posted by WolverineSyr[/i]
<br> The school system used to trade off pregnant girls to "spare the family the shame," or whatever. KYYX once posted her experiences being a high school teacher & kids in classes who had, or were having babies. I hope she chimes in here.[/quote]

I did; see above.

yes, the culture has really changed. I am uncomfortable about blaming the media, but at the same time, I do. Kids these days see these videos (rap & hip-hop), see the guys in them with all the bling, the cars, the hos--and the girls see the curvy skanks dancing sugestively to get with these "desirable" guys, and they really want to emulate that. To them, it looks glamourous, exciting, fun, and rowdy. These videos look like one big party. (heh, back in our day, we had party vids like "Safety Dance"; let's all dance around in a field and spin around the May Pole!). Kids are very easily seduced by these images, b/c it looks like easy fun and escape. Girls get the message loud and clear that you get the guys by dressing, dancing, or otherwise acting the part. And the boys get the message that the bling, the cars, the clothes, and the hos look cool---and will bring you the hos !

Also, the line gets blurred when their fave pro athletes and actors start cutting records and videos--they become 'larger-than-life', and therefore extremely desirable. And, as some have pointed out, lots of kids today need attention they aren't getting from busy parents/single parents. While this has always gone on, it seems more prevalent today.

IMO, there IS a huge difference between these videos today, or even what Britney Spears did for a while; and Donna Summers moaning in the late 70s and Elvis gyrating his pelvis back in the 50s. Those things were still relatively chaste! I mean, they left something to the imagination. I don't recall anyone exactly wanting to imitate Donna or Elvis. Today's culture really pushes the envelope. Hyper-sexuality is in. I mean, look at the fashions, especially for girls. (altho---I am SOOOOOO glad to see the long t-shirts back in fashion, replacing the tiny belly-barers we just had. Whew!)

Finally, I am in favour of comprehensive sex-ed, like at about junior high school. Kids have been, are, and will always be having sex young. Time to quit denying that and give them the birth-control information they need. These abstinence-only groups need a dose of reality. It would be swell if these kids weren't having sex. But they DO. We need to arm them with the correct information. Abstinence should be ONE of the birth control methods presented in such a forum.

I had unusual school sex-ed exposure: because my dad was in the military and we moved every 3 years, every school district I lived in had their sex-ed classes at different times. I had it in 5th grade, 7th grade, 8th grade, and 12th grade, depending on where I lived ! I never had sex back in HS, for my own reasons (mostly, I wasn't interested and somewhat mystified), but if I ever had had sex, I know I would have been able to protect myself BECAUSE I HAD BEEN TAUGHT HOW TO !!

[WolverineSyr]

Sorry KYYX - I don't know why I didn't see your post above mine...I must be losing more brain cells than I realized.

I do think if you look at the provacative media from the 50's to the 70's and beyond - put it in a cultural context for that time period - when overtly sexual images were not the norm. I think they were just as shocking and potentially influential as it is today - somewhat. I agree that the images people see today are over the top and beyond what we were ever exposed to. I just don't want to blame the whole thing on the media.