A must read for the wives

[enzfan]

After I show the man rules to my wife Mr. Happy will be getting reacquainted with my left hand. [:)]





We always hear "the rules" from the
female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules!

Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.
Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we
are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways and
one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how
you want it done. Not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever
you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need
directions and neither do we.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want
an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about
unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball,
the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on
the couch tonight; but did you know men really
don't mind that? It's like camping

[ExRat]

[quote]Originally posted by enzfan

We always hear "the rules" from the
female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules!

Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down....
[/quote]

YES! This one has always baffled ad irritated me. I grew up with two olders sisters and four older brothers and could never [i][b]never[/b][/i] understand why my sisters were entitled to throw a colossal fit about the position of the toilet seat. Why is it that men are somehow made to put the bastard thing down??? Why can't women put it up or down? Really, I never understood this and no one has ever given me a satisfactory answer.

[hutter]

[quote][i]Originally posted by ExRat[/i]
<br>[quote]Originally posted by enzfan

We always hear "the rules" from the
female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules!

Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down....
[/quote]

YES! This one has always baffled ad irritated me. I grew up with two olders sisters and four older brothers and could never [i][b]never[/b][/i] understand why my sisters were entitled to throw a colossal fit about the position of the toilet seat. Why is it that men are somehow made to put the bastard thing down??? Why can't women put it up or down? Really, I never understood this and no one has ever given me a satisfactory answer.
[/quote]
Because women weild the power of the "P", silly.

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[KYYX4ever]

heh heh ha hee...this list made me laugh, which I needed. (school's out for the Break; I am exhausted!)

I especially like:
[quote]Originally posted by enzfan
[br]ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
[/quote]

This is so true ! My husband, and most guys I know, are pretty clueless when it comes to color schemes, subtle gradiations in hue, tone, etc. I have accented the living room in pumpkin and it looks awesome, but my husband just sees "brownish red". This is but one minor example. This either cracks me up or kills me everytime !

[birdmadgirl]

[quote][i]Originally posted by ExRat[/i]
<br>[quote]Originally posted by enzfan

We always hear "the rules" from the
female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules!

Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down....
[/quote]

YES! This one has always baffled ad irritated me. I grew up with two olders sisters and four older brothers and could never [i][b]never[/b][/i] understand why my sisters were entitled to throw a colossal fit about the position of the toilet seat. Why is it that men are somehow made to put the bastard thing down??? Why can't women put it up or down? Really, I never understood this and no one has ever given me a satisfactory answer.
[/quote]

Because guys pee on the rim. And leave it. And then it dries into a pee crust. I don't want to see that when I go the bathroom. So in my house, I want the seat down because some people are too lazy to wipe up their sprinkles. (I don't know if this is something all guys do or if it's just in my house. Geez. It's not like you're hanging onto a gushing fire hose, for pete's sake. Hit the bowl!!!!!)

Also, if a guy leaves the seat up and I go to sit on the toilet in the dark and my butt get baptised in icy-cold toilet water? Someone's going die.

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[KYYX4ever]

[quote][i]Originally posted by birdmadgirl[/i]
<br>Also, if a guy leaves the seat up and I go to sit on the toilet in the dark and my butt get baptised in icy-cold toilet water? Someone's going die.
[/quote]

Argh !!! I HATE that![:(!]I guess ExRat is right in that it's unexplainable, but you guys MUST leave the seat down. That's just the way it is.

[tiger_mn]

[quote][i]Originally posted by birdmadgirl[/i]

It's not like you're hanging onto a gushing fire hose, for pete's sake. Hit the bowl!!!!!

[/quote]

Speak for yourself.

[Rubbeet921]

LOL! Hilarious! I've read this thing some months back, but knowing me, I wouldn't want to patronize it![;)][:D]