Looking Back

[phillyidol]

You know after my week I have been doing a ton of soul searching. I get the what ifs and the shoulda woulda couldas. I know its not healthy. I go back and almost relive what went on. I am second guessing and dealing with shit from 25 years ago. I guess its better not to dwell in the past and to enjoy the here and now but it is tough. Anybody else go through this or have any advice?




Worlds GREATEST Photographer!

[Bitter Almonds]

<p align="justify">pr0n usually handles the majority of this problem. The rest is sleep, vegging in front of the tellie, and doing absolutely nothing. It feels great!

Focus on what can still be accomplished. Par example: most of me life I've let people come and go without so much as a protest. The result? I don't have any friends to speak of. I can't go back to all those people I've let go. However, I can establish new friendships; put meself out there and see what comes of it. The result? I got two chicks I'm interested in on the line[8D]

[MARV]

Whatever could have happened already did.

If you're feeling blue just make today the grooviest time of your life and look forward to a better tomorrow.

[marie3]

You focus on what you are now. Your accomplishments. Your family, your home, what is good in your life. That is all you can do. Your past has brought you to where you are now. If you are happy with your life, then there is nothing to question.
You did good Philly.

[WolverineSyr]

I don't want to sound like Dr. Phil or something, but I probably will. But anyways philly, you & I are both social workers, so you know where I'm coming from.

I used to do this same thing a lot & finally just gave up on beating myself up over the past because nothings going to change that. What did change was me because of those things. Experience is a great teacher & if you reframe your animosity to something positive, I think you'll see it in a different light & maybe actually be glad things were fucked up in the past.

What ifs? The things you should have done with your life? Do it now. If it's something big and important, there's always time & we shouldn't necessarily feel limited by obligations or "life." People do it every day. I decided to go back to school at 43 to change my entire career. I was sick of doing what I do and always wanted this change. It was just time & I was tired of "what if'ing" it.

The things that happened & you can't change? I'm assuming they were things you're not happy about. Did you learn anything from it? Would you do the same thing again to someone else? Consider it an experience and another step up your own evolutionary ladder. Be happy that you're the person you are today because those events gave you a foundation to build on.

Snap out of it, get over it, be glad it happened and you're different today.

[DreamRedux]

[quote]Originally posted by phillyidol
[br] Anybody else go through this or have any advice?[/quote]

All the time. [xx(]

Don't have any practical or useful advice, but I heard a line in a song I discovered recently that I've been reflecting on a lot lately:

<a href="http://www.shanefontayne.com/live_video.html">May the past have no future, and the present be in my hands. - Shane Fontayne (Raised on '45s</a>

[djcraig]

Find somebody you can trust that will listen and not judge you. Someone that will accept you without telling you what you "should" do or why you shouldn't feel that way.

Talk to them about what is bothering you. Tell 'em how you feel.

Share those emotions with a compassionate friend, counselor or support group and you may find you feel a lot better. It's still the oldest and cheapest therapy there is.

PS Of course you can always come here and rant away!

<a href="http://www.djcraig.net/los_angeles_dj">DJ Craig</a>

[Bitter Almonds]

<p align="justify">"Finding someone to trust" is the hard part[xx(] I'd have better chances finding someone for a tryst[}:)]

[club80]

We all think about the past and that's good! Learn from what we've screwed up in the past and reminisce about the good times you had...just don't dwell on either!
Understand yourself today and what makes you happy and whole. Keep doing those things.
Then figure out what you want to do and haven't...and then make plans to do them.



We didn't sell a lot of records, but somehow we left an impression.
-Johnny Ramone-

[phillyidol]

Very good advice from you all.My problem is that when I see someone that I had some history with I see the road not taken. Then my mind goes over when, where, why, with who....and its like living it all over again. Its like if you drive past the house you grew up in...it brings back all these feelings. But I think that from now on I should recognize what is happening and concentrate on other things so I don't go into my slump. Thanks guys. I'm just way more emotional than I should be. I'm a pretty deep dude.




Worlds GREATEST Photographer!

[djcraig]

Well there's always "Patron" therapy. A couple shots of the Silver, followed by a Modelo Especial should improve your outlook immediately.

<a href="http://www.djcraig.net/los_angeles_dj">DJ Craig</a>

[hexicon]

Heh, there sure are a lot of $%#ing optimists on this board!

Philly, I can empathize. I've been doing the same thing a lot, probably because of events in my life the couple of years--including the death of an old friend, like you recently experienced.

I like to think I'm in control of my own life--definitely not a "go with the flow" type. So, it's easy for me to beat myself up over decisions I made years ago. I have to try really hard not to do that.

But I guess we're not alone. An international study was recently published that says a lot of bad feelings like this peak when we're in our 40s and figuring out that our lives aren't going to turn out exactly as we'd hoped. This goes away in the 50s when we start getting on with the rest of our lives.

So, statistically, only 8 more years to go! I hope to move on a few years ahead of schedule.

[Bitter Almonds]

<p align="justify">Much like xtianity's "free will," I tend to be circumspect of having "control." I revert back to religious teachings by thinking I don't have control over situations or over my destiny, but I do have some control over how I react to everything. I could be really pessimistic and say, "It don't get better than this, man. Your whole life is a half-empty glass and it'll keep evaporating with time." What's the point of waking up tomorrow if you've gone past your best years? A reason to wake up tomorrow is the hope that it'll be better than today. Sure, there's no free will or control over our lives, but we still don't know what's going to happen. Once that curiosity and hope is lost, then you're just on life support; you've flatlined. If you still have time and money to do certain things you've been wanting to do, DO THEM! Do random and spontaneous things, change the pacing of the day. Something as trivial as taking a whole different route to or from work just to break the monotony. Anything. Don't box yourself further in.