New Wave Outpost Forum

I'm a sucker for those "Every Original Album Reviewed" columns in Blender and Mojo. It would be truly laborious to go in depth with those album reviews in this forum but if we limit the review to just one sentence, I bet we could knock a bunch out (plus it would make for a few nifty debates).
To be fair, apart from the one sentence limit, I feel you should at least OWN the album you're reviewing.
I'll start with the revered/reviled U2 catalog:

1.BOY - A stunning abd rocking debut that transcends the era.
2.OCTOBER - Moody and less focused than "Boy" but circumstances got in the way.
3.WAR - In which U2 hit the mark, create the "classic" U2 sound and balance energy with earnestness.
4.UNDER A BLOOD RED SKY - A potentially great live album marred by being squeezed into a stop-gap EP.
5.THE UNFORGETTABLE FIRE - A coulda-been classic with a half dozen essential tracks but a few throwaways on side two.
6.WIDE AWAKE IN AMERICA - Even more of a stop-gap than #4 but I'd rather have the measly leftovers than not.
7.THE JOSHUA TREE - U2 discover America and deliver their best to date despite some trite lyrics.
8.RATTLE AND HUM - The most overhyped collection of b-sides ever, but one or two excellent cuts.
9.ACHTUNG BABY - Bono matures as a lyricist and U2 goes "post-modern" thus confusing and alienating legions of old fans but this, to me, is the best work they've ever done.
10.ZOOROPA - Another patchy yet catchy collection of b-side material made relevant by U2's newfound irony.
11.POP - A failed attempt to duplicate "Achtung Baby" with a handful of almost-great tracks.
12.ALL THAT YOU CAN'T LEAVE BEHIND - U2 basically rewrite a song from each of their previous albums/periods and, while listenable, sounds to me like a band running out of ideas.
13.HOW TO DISMANTLE AN ATOMIC BOMB - See above.

Yeah, I know. I stayed away from side projects and hits packages but that would take forever.
Anyone else wanna take a shot at one of your fave NW acts or come up with your own version of the U2 catalog?

BTW: Apologies to Kerouac on a few of those sentences.

Good stuff Ghosty. I only wish I had come up with this one:

"Shark Sandwich? How 'bout Shit Sandwich?!"

DEPECHE MODE "Exciter": About as exciting as tepid Velveeta.

Romeo Void, 'Never Say Never': say never...

Here's one that I actually wrote for a weekly mailer back in the '80s but they refused to print it:

DAVID CROSBY-"Oh Yes I Can": Oh, no you cant!

[quote][i]Originally posted by Blir[/i]
<br>Good stuff Ghosty. I only wish I had come up with this one:

"Shark Sandwich? How 'bout Shit

I remember a good one from the 70's. It was a David Soul (aka Hutch from Starsky and Hutch) record called "Playing To An Audience of One" The review simply said "Make that an audience of none, David, I just heard your record"

on my blog, a few years ago, i wrote this one sentence review of prince's crazy jehovah's-witness-espousing cd "the rainbow children":

"the rainbow children: God-awful"

har har har. i thought that was fairly clever.

Funniest one sentence review I ever read was in regards to the Pet Shop Boys "Please" album. It said, "No more....please."

[quote][i]Originally posted by MartiniHoudini[/i]
<br>Funniest one sentence review I ever read was in regards to the Pet Shop Boys "Please"

Trouser Press, in reviewing Barenaked Ladies:

"As cute as a baby and as appealing as a loaded diaper..."

Trouser Press had this gem in regards to Haysi Fantayzee's "Battle Hymns For Children Singing":

"Enduring this entire album in one sitting is like having painful dentistry performed by an overbearing three-year-old."

Ouch.

My favorite album review was for some Deep Blue Something album in Rolling Stone. It merely said - "Deep BROWN Something."

I think it as Rolling Stone that had my favorite 2-word record review. My all-time favorite:
"Malice in Wonderland" by Nazareth - Dog food.
I think Rolling Stone responsible for my second favorite one as well. While I forget the name of the band that

The Stone Roses "Second Coming" - Look Ma, I made a #2!