by birdmadgirl » Mon Dec 04, 2006 1:13 pm
Every year, when the annual Christmas letter comes in from my cousin, I threaten to make one up myself to send to her.
Her letter is full of fascinating things like how her youngest brat was potty trained at 10 months and brat #2 won Little Miss Cheese Ball at the county fair, and she and her Mr. are blissfully happy after 900 years of marriage, blah, blah, blah. It's all so damned cheery and irritating. And it's UGLY with little clip art snowflakes and crap all over it.
It's incredible immaturity on my part, but I just want to counter her Christmas letter with the anti-letter.
I want to send one to her and tell her how my oldest kid got straight Ds on his report card. ("Tortured genius!") How we celebrated my birthday by going out and destroying margaritas by the yard ("When BMG finished her second one, she staggered into Mr. BMG and crowed, 'I've had more alcohol than I am tall!' She doesn't remember anything after that. It was *such* fun!") I might tell her how our middle child spends all her time filling boxes with little paper people and cities she's painted ("She's definitely the future Van Gogh!") and how the youngest won't wear clothes. ("For Christmas, we're getting her a pole sized appropriately for a 6-year-old. Sterling silver!")
I'm sure the sarcasm would be lost on her, though, so I make up a letter on the computer and read it to the kids and we all laugh our asses off. We have a good laugh and I won't get a call from her mother wanting to know just what we're up to out here. Plus, I just don't have the nerve to send it.
Yet.
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