Making new friends

[marie3]

[quote][i]Originally posted by MattW[/i]
<br>Growing up, I made friends. As an adult I've made many acquaintances but very few friends. I dont know if thats the norm, but its been my experience. I think the responsibilities that go along with being an adult get in the way.

M
[/quote]

That is a good point Matt. I don't think it's harder to make friends when you are an adult, it's just different. Our old friends know us. There is no explaining why or what with them. They are part of our past, and our past is part of who we are.
I don't really need any "new" friends. Now that I am older and have a family, it's hard to keep in touch or make time for people.
But I have been lucky enough to meet a few people that I feel were/are a true friend in the past ten years. (sadly two of them passed away)

I can honestly say that I have made a couple of friends here on the outpost. Which is not what I was expecting when I joined.

[phillyidol]

I met you are Wayne and...you guys are friends of mine. Its like we knew each other for years. (aaaaaaaaaw!)

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v647/dbince/tinhat.gif">

[marie3]

Philly, you are one of the people I was talking about. [:D]

[WolverineSyr]

[quote][i]Originally posted by marie3[/i]

I can honestly say that I have made a couple of friends here on the outpost. Which is not what I was expecting when I joined.

[/quote]

Me too, but I'm certainly glad I came here & made some.

I have made several friends through work & I'm sure that we'll still be in touch after I leave my job sometime in the distant future.

I think my older friendships are probably the most profound only because of the history and how familiar we are with each other. With that said, my newer pals fit right in with the gang too!

I haven't really thought about this too much, I think I make friends easily.

[WoodlandParkPunk]

[quote][i]Originally posted by KYYX4ever[/i]
<br>p.s. my husband has no problems with any male friends I have or had. Me neither. We're married. Nothing would ever happen. I have more male friends than girl friends anyway.

[/quote]
And your husband has no problem with you going to clubs, shopping, dinner and all the things you used to do with your male friends when you were single without him ?

What I am saying is that when we were all younger and single, did we not have friends of the opposite sex who we always hung out with, spent hours talking with and really enjoyed their company? Having a spouse, and as much as they trust you and as much as it is a platonic relationship, those types of friendships rarely carry on after marriage. If they do, is it a reflection of something that may be missing in your marriage? Is it a validation for your spouse to maintain relationships with the opposite sex.

Wasn't there a sitcom that dealt with the fact that men really can't be friends with women. Sex is/always an underlining issue?

just thoughts.

[KYYX4ever]

[quote][i]Originally posted by WoodlandParkPunk[/i]
<br>And your husband has no problem with you going to clubs, shopping, dinner and all the things you used to do with your male friends when you were single without him ? [/quote]
Actually, I do not do these things anymore with male friends. I meant just hanging out. Although usually it's the 3 of us (hubs, me, male friend who is just as much hub's friend as mine). Oh dear, now that I type about it, that doesn't make much sense. You're right--after marriage, which has been an awesome thing, I did not go out with my male friends anymore. Most of it was that I had moved to a completely different part of the country. Then, any new friends that I made were mostly with my hubs. I could always hang out with them in general, in the most platonic sense. No more club-going, shopping, dinner, that type of thing--that was being done with Mr. KYYX! However, what I meant to say was that if I was, say, working in my front yard in the summer, digging something up, and a guy friend stops by and it's close to when hubs would come home from work, this guy friend might hang out with me in the yard, chatting and yakking, and hubs would come home and nothing would be amiss.

[quote]What I am saying is that when we were all younger and single, did we not have friends of the opposite sex who we always hung out with, spent hours talking with and really enjoyed their company? Having a spouse, and as much as they trust you and as much as it is a platonic relationship, those types of friendships rarely carry on after marriage. If they do, is it a reflection of something that may be missing in your marriage? Is it a validation for your spouse to maintain relationships with the opposite sex.

Wasn't there a sitcom that dealt with the fact that men really can't be friends with women. Sex is/always an underlining issue?

just thoughts.
[/quote]
Again, very good point. Very sticky issue, I think, for many married couples. If I really thought about it, if I were to hang out constantly with a male best friend, that would be weird and look weird. People would wonder what's up. And besides, all that close-friend-sharing stuff should be with your husband anyway, not some other guy friend. That's what the spouse is for. You can't have it both ways! My hubs is totally my best friend.

However, originally what I had been trying to say was that my hubs doesn't mind if I happen to hang out with other male friends. "Hang out" meaning helping me with stubborn yard work, helping me work on my car, chatting, stuff like that. He doesn't get "jealous" that way. But I'd never be as close with that other guy, reveal all that "BFF" stuff with him ! It really makes me wonder what it would be like if I were still around my old best buds from back in the day. I think our friendships would be changed quite a bit after my getting married.

sorry so long[:I]

[WoodlandParkPunk]

Right on KYYX I know exactly what you are saying. My wife and I have been married 17 years and we have an awesome relationship and we both have friends of our own of the opposite sex, but they are just "work friends" or "mutual friends". Not really heart to heart friends.

[hutter]

I don't have a problem making new friends...it's getting rid of them that always becomes a problem.

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[manekineko]

Up until recently I didn't have many close friends, mostly because of my lifestyle as a military spouse. Sure, I had lots of acquaintances and I was friendly with lots of people (mostly other military wives), but it was hard to make good, heart-to-heart friends. I never felt like I had much in common with the other wives (no offense), who seemed way too focused on their husbands' careers, their kids, and the military agenda. I simply didn't have the stomach for the uber-patriotism and overt liberal-bashing. A liberal woman with no kids doesn't fit in very well in the military community.

Making civilian friends wasn't much easier. Most of the time we were stationed in small towns, where the locals were hesitant to get involved with anyone from the military. They already had their lives, friends, and families established and didn't have room for anyone new, especially someone who was going to leave in a couple years. I actually had a woman tell me that she didn't want to get to know me because I wasn't going to be around long enough to be worth it.

Now that I no longer live in a military community [:)], I'm finding it much easier to make friends, especially friends who share my interests and values. And by some strange coincidence, most of them have no kids. And by an even bigger coincidence, most of them love new wave music! [;)]

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[Bitter Almonds]

<p align="justify">Speaking from a single guy's perspective, whenever I see a girl I find attractive I don't see "potential friend" - at all - but, rather, "potential for sex"[}:)] Once I see... [b][i]the ring[/i][/b], all bets are off and I don't waste her/my/our time. With guys, I could see the potential for being friends, but, as I stated above, most likely I'll stick to being on my own. Weird. I wasn't always like this. I don't know if it's a sign I'm getting old and I'm set in my ways, or I'm maturing, or mebbe I'm just a misanthropic arsehole (probably a combination of all three[8D] ).

[i_like_lectric_motors]

[quote][i]Originally posted by hutter[/i]
<br>I don't have a problem making new friends...it's getting rid of them that always becomes a problem.

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[/quote]

LOL. You nailed it.

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[newwavepunkgirl]

[quote][i]Originally posted by WoodlandParkPunk[/i]
<br>Let us know how this works when /if you get married.
[/quote]

Yes, will do! [;)]

Devolution is real

[newwavepunkgirl]

[quote][i]Originally posted by KYYX4ever[/i]
<br>fascinating topic.

Back in college, one of my best friends would say that it was going to get more difficult to make friends and meet women when we all got older. At the time, I thought that was weird, but now I can kind of see what he meant.

I personally haven't found it "harder" to make new friends. But the opportunities to make friends have definitely diminished. There is simply less partying, club-hopping, art exhibits, etc. Those were just some examples of easy ways to meet friends. On the other hand, there are interests we all have that involve people: clubs, sports, fitness centers, boards, meetings, work colleagues, and various parent endeavors. It depends on how "involved" you still are.

I would definitely say that the nature of newer friendships have changed, and that took/takes some getting used to. In other words, friends from school or even college were clowns, soulmates, goofballs, sports buds, BFF, all that stuff. But now friendship has taken on a different dimension. If you try to compare it to the goofy/fun/crazy/etc. times you had with your old friends of yore, friendship today seems...well, it seems different. Like I said, it took me some getting used to. We do different things than we used to.

Really babbling here, but I gotta share a good example/story: one of my best friends from late high school/early college would show up, unannounced, at the door. He'd wheel in his moped, go raid the fridge, blast the music, start to take apart his moped, roll up a spliff, babble about philosophical stuff, help me dye my hair, and rebuild his engine. Could you ever imagine that happening with one of your friends now ? First of all, he'd have to call first ! Everything's changed, except for maybe the spliff part. So I'd say that the nature of friendship has changed nowadays.

[/quote]

I agree with that, I think alot of it is not just people moving on but alot of people that used to go out can't afford to now including myself, people work longer hours etc. My family even are too busy to meet often now![V]

Devolution is real

[newwavepunkgirl]

[quote][i]Originally posted by birdmadgirl[/i]
<br>[quote][i]Originally posted by newwavepunkgirl[/i]
<br>[quote][i]Originally posted by WoodlandParkPunk[/i]
<br>The older we get the more difficult it is to make "real" friends. And let's be honest. When we were young we were open to more experiences. Being married also does not help nuture the friendships we may have had when we were younger. How many of you had close friends of the opposite sex when you were single and have those friendships remained or vanished?

I had many great female friends when I was single, those relationships as innocent as they were, could not be maintained once married. I know there are females out there who feel the same way as well.
[/quote]

If I got married my husband would accept I have friends of both sexes and respect that and trust me. None of my boyfriends ever were bothered about it at all! But I am probably younger thna alot of people on here perhaps?

Devolution is real
[/quote]

As long as the trust is there, you'll be fine. One of my best friends is my husband's good friend. We like the same music and books and sometimes do things together. My husband has nothing to worry about and he knows it.

Likewise, he has a female friend that he goes and plays poker with sometimes. I'm not worried.

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[/quote]

Thanks! Taht's cool that you have that it's nice to have friends![:)]

Devolution is real

[harleytexas]

I've lived here in Texas for 3 years and don't have any friends at all. All my friends live back in Canada.