R.I.P. Clare

[Rubellan]

Some of you may recall my mentioning that I had a dog named Clare, who I named after Clare Grogan from Altered Images.

I came home from work yesterday to take Clare, my dog of over 9 years, to have her yearly vaccinations and receive a refill of her cancer treatment steroids. She was her usual lively, happy self throughout the entire exam with no indication that anything was wrong. As we walked towards the car after the exam, Clare’s back legs wobbled, then gave out. She could not get up, but tried to with a very confused look. I called the doctor out to see if she had an idea. I was thinking she was having an adverse reaction to the vaccine she received just a few minutes previous, though it was the same one she received every year previous. Clare began to salivate intensely. We pulled her back into the vets office, though the doctor was unsure of what was happening. She contemplated a stroke or a slipped disc in her back, which seemed very possible because she had very bad hip dysplasia (arthritis), and was very bow legged because of it. She had been having a bit more difficulty walking and jumping over the past couple of weeks. Though my concern now was when I noticed her back feet gradually getting colder and colder.

I spent nearly 2 hours at the vets, trying to calm and soothe Clare, who was clearly uncomfortable. The ignorant doctor went to spay a cat while my dog lay in agony on her floor. I called an emergency vet with better facilities, carried Clare to the car and drove in a numb haze at what was happening. As much as I would have liked it to be something treatable, it was found that Clare had a clot that paralyzed her rear extremities. It happened just like that! The doctor was very honest with me that the prognosis was very poor, and though with lengthy treatment Clare could have a small possibility of regaining minor use of her rear limbs, it was not likely. So like that, my dog went from an always happy and excited friend, to being paralyzed and in emotional and physical agony.

Clare was diagnosed with Mast Cell cancer in September 2005. The biopsy of her first tumor indicated that she would have a maximum of 6 months to live. Since I refused to accept that as the final word, I kept Clare alive with a combination of antihistamines and steroids, thanks to research online. Clare survived 6 tumor removal surgeries, side effects from the steroids as the correct dosage was determined, but maintained an unphased, always happy personality throughout. Now with no cancer in sight, she suffers an unexpected paralysis and bleak outlook.

Considering how much Clare had been though over the past few years, I couldn’t imagine bringing her home to watch her slide around on her stomach, looking very confused and upset with no control of bodily functions. After everything she’s been through, I love her too much to put her through anything like that. Just before midnight this day, June 30, I had Clare put down. I stayed with her the whole time, and it was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I know most people will think “It was just a dog”, but to me Clare was far more than that. I am absolutely devastated by this, and I’m sure the full extent of it hasn’t sunken in. In fact, when I opened the door at home after all of this, I expected her to run up and jump on me. I still feel like I’m in a terrible dream, and want to wake up to see her begging for breakfast. I can’t imagine my home without her.

Scott

<a href="http://s76.photobucket.com/albums/j6/rubellan/?action=view¤t=Clare.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j6/rubellan/Clare.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

[club80]

I'm so sorry to hear that, Rubellan. As a dog owner myself, I can only imagine how devastated you must be right now. I hope the happy memories get you through this tough time. Rest in peace



We didn't sell a lot of records, but somehow we left an impression.
-Johnny Ramone-

[DreamRedux]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Clare. My thoughts are with you.

[Frau_Blucher]

I've always had a hard time forming an opinion on going to such extraordinary measures for pets. It's not because of any opinion about spending that kind of money or resources on "just a dog". It's more that despite how much we might consider them to be family or friends or partners and even apply anthropomorphic traits to them, they're not human and don't understand the spectrum of human emotions and certainly don't understand why they might be going through some of the pain and confusion you describe. It's always a tough call. It sounds like you went beyond what most people might have done, and you certainly did the right thing at the end.

Our two dogs, 15 year-old brothers, had to be put down a week apart about a three weeks ago. We probably went too far on measures with the first one, and realized a lot of our actions were based on our feelings of attachment or even guilt rather than of course the dog's own feelings. We made a swifter but certainly still humane decision for our second one (same symptoms, same condition - uncanny). It was a huge blow - I mean, we got these guys when we first got married. They were older than our kids and had shared tons of good times and every residence we'd had from California to St. Louis to Connecticut. They loved just curling up in this one room in our basement, and I still get choked up even going down there. I still hesitate before scraping leftover steaks, thinking how much they'd love them, but of course, they're not there - incredibly empty feeling.

It's been way tougher than I could have imagined. In the end though, I was right there when they injected each of them and said a simple heartfelt "thanks" as they peacefully passed. Not too different than us - we're born, we share some good times, then we're done, so be thankful. That's it. Thanks boys!

<img src="http://www.pbase.com/myirwin/image/25637760/medium.jpg">

<img src="http://www.pbase.com/myirwin/image/25637759/medium.jpg">

[coop41]

Damn guys, sorry for your loss. It's funny how they become part of your life. Having gone through what you have before and owning two dogs now, I feel your pain.

[club80]

Sorry for your loss, too, Blir. What handsome dogs you and Rubellan had!


We didn't sell a lot of records, but somehow we left an impression.
-Johnny Ramone-

[KYYX4ever]

oh Rubellan,
that made me cry a little. You did the right thing at the end. As an owner of 2 9-yr. old brother Labs myself, I feel your pain.

Beautiful dogs, Clare, and Blir's dogs too.

[djcraig]

Man those critters get into your heart and bond with you in a way that no others can. My therapist once said that I am closer to dogs than I am to people. I told her that a dog has never yet lied to me even once. They are non-political, uncalculating and offer unconditional love.

I heard once that Labs are always like puppies, they never grow up. I took this to mean that they always have a sense of wonder, enthusiasm, playfulness and sponteneity. They never mind acting like fools or retards especially if it is for your enjoyment!

Thanks for posting this, it must be hard for you. How are you making it through the day?

<a href="http://www.djcraig.net/los_angeles_dj">DJ Craig</a>

[MARV]

The one bad thing about loving someone is having to say goodbye. My sincere condolences to you both, Rubellan and Blir [:)]

[phillyidol]

That is so sad. I'm so sorry for your loss. My dog has the hip problem also and it sucks.




Worlds GREATEST Photographer!

[Max Murdoc]

I grew up with a Keeshond:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keeshond

His name was Melvin Sweeny and was my "brother". He lasted 12 years but some idiot who lived next to my sister (who was babysitting Melvin while my parents were on vacation) decided that he didn't like my dog so he poisoned him. Another neighbor saw him give Melvin something to eat and within an hour he was going into convulsions.

I got a phone call that he was taken to the vet because he was sick and on the way there I passed my Father going home. I continued to the vet and asked if I could see my dog...(this is hard part) I went in the back room and didn't see him so I went back out and the nurse said that he was in the bottom cage....but the bottom cage contained nothing but a black bag. Melvin had died from the poison. I opened the bag and took Mel out and held him...I cried. I lost my brother. Two nurses came in and started crying too. The nurses thought that I knew that Melvin didn't make it. I never want to go through that again. A very sad day. I still get choked up talking about it.

The idiot who poisoned Melvin had to pay the vet bills and $2500 to my parents who donated it to the local animal shelter.

I still can't bring myself to get another pet and it's been over 25 years.

I'm so sorry for those of you who have lost a pet....scratch that, lost a friend.

[Rubellan]

Thank you all for the kind words.

I've always wanted to avoid being one of those who keep their pet around in a suffering state, purely for selfish reasons. Clare been without a cancerous tumor for almost two years, but the constant doses of prednisone left their side effects. Her skin had become very thin and her coat had thinned out. She visibly aged a fair amount over these past few years, but her spirit was always there. And yes, I am one of those oddballs who feel more compassion for pets than I do people.

For all I know, Clare may have been suffering over these few years, but you'd never know. I could still take her on the occasional 3 mile walk and watch her plop into the river on a hot day. She was very consistently loveable, and never did outgrow the puppy stage. She never tired of being a lapdog, and constantly needed to be there when I was in my chair.

Today has been terrible. I've toggled between numbness, napping and emotion. Perhaps I will view this all as melodramatic in the future, but right now I'm finding it difficult to even take a breath...

The whole family, just a couple of months ago. They always shared the lap space:

<a href="http://s76.photobucket.com/albums/j6/rubellan/?action=view¤t=family.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j6/rubellan/family.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

Clare's love for the river:

<a href="http://s76.photobucket.com/albums/j6/rubellan/?action=view¤t=river.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j6/rubellan/river.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

Clare's final picture, taken just last week on her favorite spot. Ever the lapdog:

<a href="http://s76.photobucket.com/albums/j6/rubellan/?action=view¤t=final.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j6/rubellan/final.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

My sister provided me with this photo yesterday. I think it says it all.

<a href="http://s76.photobucket.com/albums/j6/rubellan/?action=view¤t=ScottandClare2.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j6/rubellan/ScottandClare2.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

[club80]

[quote][i]Originally posted by Rubellan[/i]
<br> Perhaps I will view this all as melodramatic in the future, but right now I'm finding it difficult to even take a breath...

[/quote]

You won't think this is melodramatic. The loss of a friend is deep and profound. It's okay to feel this way. I have. Blir did. Time will make it easier but it won't erase the memories...and it shouldn't.


We didn't sell a lot of records, but somehow we left an impression.
-Johnny Ramone-

[WolverineSyr]

I'm really, really sorry to hear about Clare. I too am someone who would much rather hang with dogs than people - and I do invest or project a lot of emotion on my dog.

Mine is coming close to the end of his life too and I keep convincing myself that I'm preparing myself for that event. I don't think any amount of prep or rationalization can help though. I know you just have to live through it.

[Spit]

Rubellan , I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about your dog Clare. She sounded like she was a great friend to you. Take care.