Toxic Friends

[phillyidol]

I have had a friend (female) for the last 25 years. She has always been hard to deal with and it was usually her way or none at all. So I would just give in or she would make everyone miserable. Anyway, through all the years she had a bad habit of taking out her bad mood on me. She would put me down or disagree with me just to start a fight. She has also made it very clear that she was jealous. If I made a friend, she put them down, I had a girlfriend she would start trouble...you know the type. Then if she had a problem with someone or something, I had to see it her way or she would bug out. Well this all came crashing down last week. She was fighting with a mutual friend on line and wrote a hate note....and included my name! She wrote and Phil agrees with me! I freaked out on her. I was like why include me? She was saying you have to back me up. When I said leave me out of it I feel uncomfortable with this, she bugged out. She says I was never a good friend, it was always one sided, I was never there for her....all very untrue. So I had it. It was the last straw that took 25 years to break. I freaked out on her telling her she was out of line as usual and she writes me a very hurtful email so I called her and just said you went way too far again and go fuck yourself.
I guess I stayed friends so long because thats the way I am but this relationship was very draining and toxic. It is a shame but I'll tell you the truth I'm much better off.I feel kind of bummed but you know what? This is a done deal. I get respect from everyone and demand it and this is the only person that did not.

Anyway, anyone have something similar?




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[club80]

Similar?
I just read this. Let me clear my head first.

We didn't sell a lot of records, but somehow we left an impression.
-Johnny Ramone-

[Panorama]

Actually I do have a female friend like that, from college (mid 80's, we dated a bit, nothing too serious though).

Now 20+ years later, she calls me at all hours of the day and night (she's on the other side of the country), I try and help her with her photography (now she's basically a nanny), and business (she won't go out and shoot anything unless she's getting paid, and that includes shooting for herself, so it's like a downward spiral... and you don't get to be a better photographer if you don't go out and shoot), with estimates and Photoshop advice, etc... and she goes on and on about her failed relationships (yeah, I really want to hear about your ex-boyfriends) etc...

Sometimes when I see her name on the caller id I just sigh, then answer, and try and give her support, no matter what I suggest, she will not change... it's draining.

I think she's just really lonely, she's told me as much, that she doesn't really have any female friends in the town she lives in, and she's now in her mid 40's fearing not ever meeting "Mr. Right"... What can you do?

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[SomebodySomewhere]

[quote]Originally posted by phillyidol
[br]Anyway, anyone have something similar?[/quote]

Yup. Relatives and ex-girlfriends, though. Not friends. My buddies are cool.

If it walks like Borderline Personality Disorder and it talks like Borderline Personality Disorder, it probably is Borderline Personality Disorder. Cutting contact with her was for the best. People like that don't deserve to have contact.

[KYYX4ever]

No friends or relationships like that in my life, fortunately.

However, another teacher with whom I am paired this year for an Inclusion class (don't get me started ! Education ! The Grand Experiment under No Child Gets Ahead, argh !) is like this. But I am stuck with her. You're right, phil; it is draining and toxic. Her presence is not good for the kids. It's like they all want to cut her off like you did this ex-friend.
Sorry to hear this philly; you did the right thing. Expect to keep hearing from her, though. These types of folks never see what they're really like to other people.

[birdmadgirl]

I call people like this "emotional vampires." They just suck the life right out of you.

I've managed to (mostly) eliminate people like this from my life. I don't have a lot of friends because of this, but the ones I do have don't drain me dry -- and I try to not drain them, as well.

[phillyidol]

Its tough too because you are friends for so long. I find myself pissed off, then feeling bad.I will add that we have a ton of friends in common and she has already started lying to them. Oh well, we shall see.




Worlds GREATEST Photographer!

[DonGately]

I recently cut someone like this out of my life. I've mostly felt relief over the situation, though once in a random while, I get a few pangs of guilt over it.

[phillyidol]

I hate the guilt part. The fight I had with this person was 100% her fault. She should be sorry and she is not...and it still bothers me. But I'm sure I will get over it.




Worlds GREATEST Photographer!

[New Wave Dave]

I don't need friends like that. I'm surprised your friendship with her lasted that long. Life's too short to put up with other people's crap.

---------------------------
Huh uhh... not Katherine.

[Clifford Darling]

One of my best friends tells the same plaintive anecdotes over and over (and over) again...but if I mention something twice, he interrupts and says, "Yeah, I know, you already told me that."
[:(!]

[SomebodySomewhere]

[quote][i]Originally posted by phillyidol[/i]
<br>I hate the guilt part. The fight I had with this person was 100% her fault. She should be sorry and she is not...and it still bothers me. But I'm sure I will get over it.[/quote]

Nothing is [i]ever[/i] their fault.

[Max Murdoc]

I had to cut off a sister for pretty much the same reason. I haven't had a decent conversation with her in years. She is an emotional drain on the family. She steals pain meds from my Mother (back surgery and knee replacement), cons people out of money (I never gave her a dime). She even tried to get my kids (her niece and nephew fer chrissakes!) to give her money but fortunately I got to them ahead of time. On numerous occasions, she has included me in her quest to get free drugs or money from people. She told mutual friends that I owed her money and haven't paid her back so the friends gave her cash with the promise from her that I would pay them back.

She has never held a job for longer than a month or 2 (46 years old) and is a crackhead. Do I feel guilty? Not one bit. I'll probably see her today (Easter) trying to con family out of more money. I don't look forward to holidays because when she shows up (she hasn't been invited in years) she turns it into a "take pity on me" party for her. What really gets me riled up is the fact that both of her kids are turning out the same way.

Maybe I'll step up to the plate today and throw her ass out as soon as she starts on her typical rant about how bad of a childhood she had, how nobody care about her and why does everyone hate her. Maybe not, I can't seem to do that to my parents.

[Bitter Almonds]

<p align="justify">Nothing severe like that. Once, I felt a bit disappointed that a friend was in town, but did not call me to hang out. I often make the quip that he's forgotten "the little people" and is embarrassed to be seen with company such as meself, but it's probably more true than joke. One thing I noted that's funny is that he'll talk trash about other people/races, but he'll get really defensive if you mention something about him/his ethnicity. Other friends just call when they need something done. I just tune them all out. It works out in the end because I've gotten used to being on my own to the point where I dislike or get irritated by the company of most people[}:)]

[Max Murdoc]

Back from Easter gathering at the parents...the sister I spoke of didn't show but did call and bitch about how she wasn't invited (nobody ever gets officially invited). She got my Mom all guilt ridden so I'm sure sis is happy that she once again created an unwelcome situation at a family gathering. But hey, the food was terrific and I'm about to burst.