The Queen's iPod

[brock]

I was just browsing the San Francisco nightlife offerings and came across this article. It reminded me of the topic a couple months back about Bush's iPod. Any suggestions as to what should be on the playlist? The Smiths' The Queen is Dead maybe? Something by Queen or Freddie Mercury?

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Queen Elizabeth is getting crunk these days at Buckingham Palace.

That means QEII is gettin' jiggy widdit with her new iPod. The British press has reported that Her Majesty commanded a member of her staff to ye olde Apple Store on London's Regent Street to procure for her personage one silver 6 GB iPod Mini, capable of holding 1,500 songs. And, yes, she got a royal discount.

Now everybody is wondering exactly what tunes are making it onto the 79- year-old monarch's playlist. The most popular guesses seem to be Tears for Fears' "Everybody Wants to Rule the World," the Stone Roses' "Elizabeth My Dear" and, naturally, ABBA's "Dancing Queen." Those might seem good choices until you consider the lyrics for the second song: "Tear me apart and boil my bones/ I'll not rest till she's lost her throne/ My aim is true my message is clear/ It's curtains for you, Elizabeth my dear."

You're more likely to catch Prince Charles' break-dancing in the front lawn of Buckingham Palace to Prince's "My Name Is Prince."

Assuming Elizabeth enjoys repeatedly hearing her own title in song, she might consider something a little more sophisticated, for example David Bowie's ode to transvestites and heroin, "Queen Bitch." Or if she's having a bad day and needs something to lift her spirits, it's hard to beat the verses of Queen Latifah's "Queen of Royal Badness": "The queen is hyped up, awesome and deadly/ If you don't dance, grab a chair and plex, B." But even QEII would find Juice Newton's 1981 hit "Queen of Hearts" totally lame.

But, after all, Elizabeth has been around. She's lived through Elvis and Sinatra, the Beatles and the Stones, Duran Duran and Spandau Ballet. She was there when they invented rock 'n' roll, skiffle and swing. Disco? There are rumors of pictures floating around involving her, Andy Warhol and a white horse at Studio 54. And punk rock? Let's not forget that in 1977 the Sex Pistols serenaded her from a boat in the Thames during the Silver Jubilee celebration.

"God Save the Queen"? Why not? Sure, the lyrics might be a little hurtful, especially the bit about, "God save the Queen/ She ain't no human being/ There is no future/ In England's dreaming." But, hey, that guitar riff royally rules.

Some better downloads might include the Beatles' "Her Majesty," because, well, she probably considers herself a pretty nice girl. Pearl Jam's version of "Crown of Thorns" might feel good on a rainy day. There's also Stevie Nicks' "After the Glitter Fades" for those contemplative days when the corgis aren't enough to lift her spirits. And if Elizabeth's feeling a little kinky? Why not XTC's "King for a Day"? A few years ago, Michael Jackson's "Dirty Diana" would have easily topped the personal playlist.

As much fun as it is to imagine that Queen Elizabeth has loaded her iPod Mini with all kinds of great music by the likes of My Bloody Valentine, Interpol, Missy Elliott, Joanna Newsom, Bloc Party, Kings of Leon, the Magnetic Fields, Gwen Stefani, Rufus Wainwright, Ladytron, the Arcade Fire and Arctic Monkeys, the sad fact is her playlist probably looks more like one of those Starbucks samplers compiled by Norah Jones with boring old farts like Joni Mitchell and Verdi.

Still, it's got to be better than whatever's on George W. Bush's iPod.

E-mail Aidin Vaziri at avaziri@sfchronicle.com.